Knockerpedia
Everything you want to know about the world of the Cornish Knockers can be found here, in the Knockerpedia..
Cornish Knockers
Cornish Knockers like to live underground but can also be found living just about anywhere in Cornwall, even towns and villages. They spend most of their time mining, eating, feasting (like eating but bigger), eating crib, eating crouse, making and eating clotted crame (cream), and watching Properjobs like you. Knockers like to eat and drink well. Their main food stuffs include Oggies(pastys), saffron buns, saffron cake, hevva cake, clotted crame, scones, raw fry, thunder ‘n’ lightning, clidgy nicey, tattays (roast,boiled,mashed n chipped), jammy maws and Leeky Pie. Knockers also enjoy watching and participating in Cornish Wrestling, and they have their own special version of the sport. Cornish Knockers are never very impressed by swearing or bad tempers.
Oggie Magic
The Knockers use a special kind of magic sourced from The Power of The Pasty. Oggie Magic is very powerful but excels at making cream creamier, cakes cakier and clidgy nicey nicier. Oggie Magic is kept under control by the knocker wizards known as The Grand Order Of The Oggie
Cornish Giants
Cornish Giants come in lots of different sizes, all of them gigantic. Cornish Giants like Cornish ice-cream made with Cornish clotted cream. Cornish Giants eat pasties quite a lot. They like jumpers but not long-sleeved t-shirts. The most famous Cornish Giant is the Giant of Trencrom. He likes to spend his days throwing stones at the Giant of St Michaels Mount.
Click for the strip!
Piskies
Good humoured and just a little bit naughty.
Pirates
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………… Arrrrrrrr……Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……Ahooooy……Arrrrrrrr…… Salty sea dogs who like nothing better than pirating, drinking tea from pirate tea sets and chatting up Mermaids. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Properjobs
Properjobs are split into two main breeds. Upcountrys and Locals. The two breeds are very similar. The main differences being that Locals are a little more laid back while Upcountrys are a little more busy. Locals drink a bit more tay than Upcountrys and are also able to see the Knockers and their kin on occasion. Properjobs are sometimes referred to as Buggers by the Knockers.(Not considered swearing in Cornwall)
Mermaids
Cor!
Yaaaargs
There are two kinds of Yaaargs. Domesticated and Wild.(See below for Wild Yaaarg). Domesticated Yaaarg are placid, good natured and nearly always happy. In livestock terms they are very gassy and often spend several hours a day floating above the fields. Yaaarg farmers must be careful and provide a low gas diet as ‘the neglected Yaaarg is the Overinflated Yaaarg’ and can be of great nuisance to the Air Ambulance.
Click for the Cornish Yaaarg comic!
Wild Yaaaargs
Wild Yaaargs are the most dangerous animal in existence. Wild Yaaargs come in many forms, from the Greater Booted Goonhilly to the Spiny-backed Launceston Blue. Sometimes Wild Yaaargs get into domestic Yaaarg farms and cause lots of trouble for the Yaaarg farmers. Right buggers they are.
Yaaarg Farmers
As the name suggests, Yaaarg Farmers are keepers of the domesticated Yaaarg. Yaaarg farms vary in size and can contain anything from half a dozen to many thousand Yaaargs and are passed down through the same families for generations untold. Yaaarg Farmers work long hours and the work can be quite dangerous as Domestic Yaaarg often attract the attention of the far more fearsome Wild Yaaarg. The Farmers spend many hours each year mending the damage that these dangerous beasts have caused. Yaaarg Farmers also have to defend themselves against Pirates who like to break in and ride on the backs of the Yaaargs while laughing a lot.
Yaaarg Tamers
Yaaarg Tamers are among the most mystical of Properjobs. It is even rumoured that they are not Properjobs at all, but from the legendary races. It is said that only a single Yaaarg Tamer can exist at any one time. Why, where, what and when are pretty much unknowns. They appear rarely and seemingly randomly at Yaaarg Farms bringing the Yaaarg Farmer a gift of a recently tamed Wild Yaaarg, one of the most dangerous and deadly beasts in Cornwall.(An that ain’t no joke boy). The Yaaarg Farmer must then present the Yaaarg tamer with a hot mug o’ tay and an oggy or be cursed forever.
Spriggans
The grumpiest, nastiest, hairiest folk in town. They don’t even clean their teeth. How disgusting.
Chuffs
Little black crows with orange beaks, legs and feet. The emblem of Cornwall. Clever little buggers.
Cows
Cows are the most intelligent of all beasts. They just pretend not to be. That’s true intelligence that is.
Cornish Dragons
Like normal Dragons but a bit more laid back. Prone to burping.
Sea Life
Mussels, whelks, dolphins, whales, sharks, winkles, sponges, starfish, urchins, crabs, fish, limpets, seals, prawns, lobsters, shrimps, sea squirts, sea slugs, cuttlefish, chitons, top shells, cowries, scallops, razor shells, clams, oysters, venus shells, shipworms, jellyfish, sea cucumbers, worms……The chattering classes.
Grammersows
Woodlice. The Knockers employ giant grammersows as transport and to help them in the mines.
Oggies
Pastys. Proper Cornish gold. Can be used as currency. Can also be spelled ‘Oggys.’
Tay
Tea. The molten tin in the arterial lodes of the Knocker heart. (steddy on boy)
Stacks
Most are silent now….too silent. Don’t go there after dark.
Mines
While Knockers do still like to hang out in traditional Tin Mines they also spend a lot of time in their own work places where they ‘mine’ clotted cream, and many other baked products including pastys, saffron buns and hevva cake.
Cornish Wrestling
Cornish Wrestling is a traditional Cornish sport among Properjobs and also the legendary folk. Knocker and Properjob rules differ slightly. The Knocker version has no time limit but includes a half time pasty break. Therefore, because each wrestling match has an undefined time an exact ‘half time’ cannot be measured, so the Knockers include several half time pasty breaks just to be safe. Knocker rules also allow for a ‘T -break’. At any given time a contestant may make the shape of a ‘T’ with his or her limbs. Both wrestlers must then stop for a mug o’ tay. Bouts can last for several days depending upon the amount of T – breaks requested. Also known as ‘wrasslin’ and ‘wrastling’.
Totem Stones
Stack the Stones! Rearrange the Totem Stones and see what happens! Sometimes a song. Sometimes a story. Sometimes they’re just plain rude.
The Dark Knocker
A rumour? A legend? Keep watch of the shadows……
‘Obby ‘Oss
Watch the ole ‘Obby ‘Oss leap, twirl and dance but don’t get too close coz he’ll kick at your pants!
Cornish Sea Monsters
Cornish Sea Monsters are quite like normal sea monsters but a bit more jokey. One of the most famous Cornish Sea Monsters is Morgawr. (See below)
Morgawr
Morgawr is the Cornish Sea Monster that lives in Falmouth bay. He likes spying on the fishermen and makes faces at them when they are looking the other way. As with most Cornish Sea Monsters, Morgawr likes a good joke. He once stole the Fowey Harbour Masters lunch box then left a note saying it was delicious and signed it ‘Love Your Good Friend, The Falmouth Harbour Master xXx’.
Smugglers
Psssst…..you want to buy some cheap pop or clidgy nicey me ‘ansum? It is rumoured that this rather naughty crew risk life and limb on spooky moonlit nights to uphold Cornwalls ancient tradition of taxless goods. It is also rumoured that they just take the ferry over to France, buy it cheap and bring it back.
Ghosts
Boo!
Star(ry) Gazey Pie
The ancient Starry Gazey Pie with it’s crust as hard as iron and chattering fish heads sits hidden somewhere away from Properjob eyes. Some say it is the wisest being in the universe, too powerful for mere mortals to encounter, holding the answer to life itself. Others say it talks complete bleddy rubbish.
Wickermen
Wickermen appear more commonly at the end of harvest time. They can range in height from the smallest knocker to that of the tallest Cornish Giant and can be fashioned of wicker, straw, hay or even grass. Not very talkative.
BOB (Beast Of Bodmin)
The Beast Of Bodmin or BOB as he known to his close friends, is not as most people believe, a big cat. He is in fact an ancient three headed beastie from the Prepastyzoic Age. When BOB believes that he has been spotted by a Properjob he can bend over backwards, puff out his catlike middle head and poke out his snakelike head to the rear, giving the approximate appearance of a large cat. BOB was born on Bodmin moor but his dad was rumoured to have been from Heamoor.
The Cloughtie Tree
The Cloughtie/Clootie/Cloutie Tree is a wishing tree. Tie a cloughtie (cloth) to a branch and make your request. It’s also a handy place if you get caught short and need more than a number one.
The Whooper Of Sennen Cove
The Whooper has never been viewed by Properjob eyes and only ever appears shrouded in a thick mist. It’s haunting Whooping song is said to predict storms and has the ability to prevent fishermen venturing out to sea whenever a storm is pending. The Whooper is also a big rugby fan and likes to whoop support enthusiastically. This has been known to cause some confusion among the fishermen whenever Cornwall’s county side plays a rugby match. Whoop! Whoop!
Sandbanksy
The mysterious and elusive Cornish street artist. Taking the saucy seaside postcard into the 21st century. Keeping it Seaside since 1986.
Jamaican Knockers
Where the Cornish have spread the Knockers have followed. Jamaica has a lot of Cornish influences. One of its three historic counties is called Cornwall and includes the parish of Trelawny, the Capital of which is Falmouth! The famous Jamaican patty is also said to be a derivative of the Cornish pasty.(See below). We all like it a bit spicy now and then my ‘ansum!
Jamaican Patty
The Jamaican version of a pasty. Sometimes a golden yellow in colour. Often includes the source of the Jamaican Knockers magic, the fiery Scotch Bonnet pepper. Hot enough to blow the pilchards out of your pie my cocker.
Mexican Knockers
When Cornish miners took their expertise to Mexico, some adventurous Knockers travelled with them. Where there’ a Cornish Mine, there’s a Cornish Knocker. Where there’s a Cornish Knocker there has to be a Cornish Pasty, so the Mexican empanada was invented. (See below).
Mexican Empanada
Filled with pumpkin, yams, sweet potato and cream, meat, cheese, fruit or vegetables the delicious Mexican Empanadas or Pastes as they are known in some areas can have their origins traced back to Cornish Pasties eaten by the Cornish Miners who moved to Mexico. They are eaten as breakfast, supper and snacks. Sounds proper to me.
The Merry Maidens
The Merry Maidens are a circle of 19 maidens turned to stone. Not all of them are merry…in fact some of them are right miserable buggers.
The Owlman of Mawnan Smith
Is he wise or is he a twit? Er..woo?
The Woottang Clan
A travelling troupe of magical folk musicians lead by Big Brenda her very self.
The Goelannes
Cornwall has its very own crime syndicate, known as ‘The Goelannes’. The Goelannes is made up of hundreds of smaller crime families, known as Wings, spread throughout Cornwall. Arguably the most vicious and feared of the Goelannes families are the St. Ives Wing who routinely carry out winged robberies, muggings and bomb attacks in broad daylight and in full view of the local constabulary who are powerless to act. The St. Ives Wing is said to be led by a mysterious Don known as Wallis . Don Wallis is ably assisted by of one of The Goelannes’ most ruthless Capos, a skipper known as Bleddygeet Blackbackedbugger, who along with his notorious crew, is reportedly responsible for 50% of the oggy rustling in St. Ives.
The Haunted Bakery
The Haunted Bakery is one of the most eerie and strange buildings in Cornwall. It is said to appear in random places around the county on foggy nights. On the stroke of midnight, nearby towns and villages are filled with the haunting scent of freshly baked oggies, saffron cake and other Cornish staples. Legend says that the weak-willed rise from their beds, aroused by the heavenly whiff, and sleep-walk to the Haunted Bakery never to be seen again. It is said to be haunted by the ghosts of uneaten baked goods.
Naomi and Lloyd
Naomi and Lloyd are two Cornish Polar Bears who run ‘Naomi and Lloyd’s Cornish Polar Bear Dairy’ (see below) which produces the famous ‘Naomi and Lloyds Polar-ice-cold milk’. Naomi and Lloyd have always been here and were not introduced to celebrate ITV News reporter Naomi Lloyds infamous report of a polar bear being washed up on a Cornish beach…honest…cough…
Naomi and Lloyd’s Cornish Polar Bear Dairy
This is the Dairy run by Naomi and Lloyd the Cornish Polar Bears. It produces the famous ‘Naomi and Lloyds Polar-ice-cold milk’ (see below). It is said that only 90% of the Dairy is visible above the surface and is made from frozen dairy produce.
Naomi and Lloyd’s Polar-ice-cold milk
Super-chilled milk produced by Naomi and Lloyd’s Cornish Polar Bear Dairy. Polar fresh. The coolest milk in the county. Who wouldn’t want their milk poured from a chubby polar bear shaped bottle? ONLY A BLEDDY MENTALIST.
Flip-flop Fairies
The Flip-flop Fairies (also known as the FFF) can be found all over Cornwall near sand dunes, beaches and harbours but some of the more foolhardy fluttering folk have also settled upcountry, some as far away as London Village. It is thought that they are lured away from their usual sandy dwellings by loud music and pretty lights. One of the most well known of the Cornish Flip-flop Fairies is known as Full Alex, a jolly little fellow with ideas well above his current station. It is also rumoured in some quarters (mainly Camborne and St. Just) that Flip-flop Fairies are Local Properjobs who cross the border into ‘Upcountry’. They then undergo a mystical change due to passing through and out of Cornwall’s magical border.
Richard Trevithick
Richard Trevithick is one of the worlds most famous Cornishmen and is known throughout the world as an engineer, inventor and Cornish Wrestler. As well as being known as The Cornish Giant, Richard Trevithick is also known as ‘the real father of the railways’ which will upset the fans and groupies of George Stephenson, so we will say little more about that, only briefly adding that George Stephenson smells and that anybody who thinks George was the true father of the railways should be washed in pop and fed to a Cornish Burp Dragon. Trevithick was a large man and was able to toss a sledgehammer over an engine-house by the age of 18. Trevithicks many inventions include the Catch-Me-Who-Can steam driven circular railway ride, the Cornish boiler, the high-pressure steam engine, the railway locomotive, the steam dredger, the propellor and the threshing machine.
Trevithick continues to invent and innovate and among other things has recently produced the STEAMbicycle ™, the 7 League STEAMboots(tm) and is rumoured to be working on a portable communication device currently known as the STEAMphone(tm)*.
*All patents pending and copyright Richard Trevithick.
John Couch Adams
Cornish-man John Couch Adams is an astronomer, scientist, Professor of Mathematics and once the Director of Cambridge Observatory. JCA (as he was known by the Observatory Massive) predicted the existence of Neptune from irregularities in the motion of Uranus. JCA also made a fortune on the Astronomical After Dinner Speakers circuit using material mainly consisting of jokes based upon the previous sentence.
Goldsworthy Gurney
Goldsworthy Gurney (Sir) is known as Cornwall’s Forgotten Genius. He qualified as a doctor at the age of 20 and went on to become a surgeon. Gurneys short attention span meant that he soon got bored with being a doctor and was appointed Lecturer of Chemistry at the Surrey institute. GG soon began inventing and his inventions include the oxy-hydrogen blowpipe, a steam road carriage used in and around London, the high-pressure steam-jet, the ‘Bude Light’ which replaced Limelight in theatres and used in Lighthouses, the Gurney Stove which heated large buildings such as Cathedrals and was appointed superintendent of heating, lighting and ventilating by the Houses of Parliament. Gurney was knighted by Queen Victoria. Recent inventions include the High Pressure Steam Arm.
As a side note, Gurney’s steam injection system was installed in George and Robert Stephenson’s ‘Rocket’, however this contribution was not acknowledged by the Stephensons. Once again (see Richard Trevithick) we will not pass on our opinions about the mighty Stephensons to you dear reader but would just like to add YOURS IS COMING STEPHENSON.
Hot Rock Knockers
Deep deep deep where the dark things sleep the Hot Rock Knockers work away endlessly tinkering with pipes and drilling the geothermal wells used to heat and power the Knocker mines and dwellings around Cornwall, as well as running the Knockers Geothermal power stations known as Heat Mines.
Hot Rock Knockers get their name from the hot granite they work with and differ slightly from your everyday knocker. Over the decades they have developed an incredibly heatproof skin which can often have a metallic sheen. Their eyes have also evolved their own goggle-like protection which is why many Hot Rocker Knockers have secondary functions as Cornish Burp Dragon Dentists. Hot Rock Knockers have some of the best and most unusual tool transformation abilities, highly suitable for deep geothermal mining. They are also able to combine with one another into a mobile network known as Mine Machines. (See below)
Mine Machines
Hot Rock Knockers (see above) have developed a method to make the many different geothermal mining techniques a lot easier. Any amount of them from 2 – 20000 depending on the type and size of job can meld together to form a single unit known as a Mine Machine. They have passed this knowledge onto other Knockers but Hot Rock Knockers are masters of the process.